The Classifieds 7

(Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers)


Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

The Classifieds 6

(Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers)

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home too.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

The Classifieds 5

(Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers)

For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment. Man, honest. Will take anything.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

The Classifieds 4

(Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers)

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00

For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.

The Classifieds 3

(Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers)

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

The Classifieds 2

(Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers)

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

The Classifieds

(Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers)

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

 

Messages on signs seen round the world 12

In a swiss mountain inn:
 "Special today - no ice-cream."

Airline ticket office, copenhagen:
 "We take your bags and send them in all directions."

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
 "If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."

A laundry in Rome:
 "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good Time."

Messages on signs seen round the world 11

Tourist agency, czechoslovakia: "take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages."

Advertisement for donkey rides, thailand: "Would you like to ride on your own ass?"

In the window on a swedish furrier: "Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin."

The box of a clockwork toy made in hong kong: "Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life."